possibly maybe

after a while i wonder...

2006-01-22T02:45:00.000-08:00

i never realised how much i ♥ this track by Bjork. it lingers, lifts, swells, trips and regains balance to dawdle some more before fading away. leave me alone...

i like to believe that i'm not a bundle of contradictions. i've made me a cuppa hot chocolate, but i don't wanna drink it. got a DVD of JLo's videos, but i don't wanna watch it. i turned on the TV but i don't wanna watch anything that's on it. i've got so many things left to do, but don't i wanna start/resume any of them... i've got to stop using so many i's in my sentences!

wasn't going to post this, but i'm doing it anyway...

listen...

2006-01-17T06:37:00.000-08:00

you can turn up the volume as loud as it can get... but you won't hear anything unless you listen.

in the evidence of its brilliance

2006-01-05T06:24:00.000-08:00

this is not a comeback...

this isn't part of a new year's resolution to blog regularly...

this isn't any guarantee that this space will be updated more often...

but it's like coming back to an old home, putting on the jeans you wore to college, eating warm porridge (ok it works for me alright!), remembering an old friend... though these days it's not limited to a phone call: it's an sms, an email, a familiar name overheard in another conversation, and - given my current profession - even a byline :-)

there's so little "new" about the "new year". apart from a new digit at the end of the date you put / see in your records, what makes a new year new?

i, for one, spend most of the current year recollecting what happened in the previous years. so i'm not forward-looking, hell i'm not even ambitious, but it's what i do. it's almost like a birthday, but it's not as depressing, probably 'cause i know i'm not alone in my cheerlessness. what's there to be happy about losing another year? it's time gone by, moments that have passed, happiness that fades but also sorrow that wanes...

(my favourite birthday song is "Birthday" by The Sugarcubes.)

new year: new people, new places, new songs... more memories, more wishes... more to me...

maybe there is something to look forward to after all...

you've got a home here...

2005-11-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

call it what you want, (but) you got a home here...

a friend asked me if i've considered moving out of the country. didn't know what to say to that, considering i've never been around the country much, let alone leave it! it's hard to say whether or not any place that you haven't grown up in can become home. frankly after being uprooted from colaba ten years ago, i no longer care where i live...

apart from some practical advantages, like a better standard of living and a general convenience about things that you have to fight for here (public amenities, for instance) there is one important thing my friend pointed out - being accepted. abroad, you're always going to be a foreigner. and brown. and identified by your religion... ok so that's not so different from 'round here. but making social ties is distinctly more difficult. you will always be the outsider. perhaps that's not so difficult for someone who feels like an outsider in any place.

and then there's the concept of the global citizen. though i'm not aware of the precise definition, it seems like a rather glorious concept - no religion, no race, no caste, no community, no one nationality (?) could it amount to no identity? hm... watch this space.

push it

2005-10-30T18:41:00.000-08:00

"this is the noise that keeps me awake, my head explodes and my body aches..."

Garbage are a li'l OTT (over the top) with those lyrics, but having that track pounding in your earphones is just perfect for when you're tryin to push yourself in/out of a crowded local train. normally i'd just take the next one... or the one after that... maybe the next one, until i've been on the platform for more than 45 mins!

it's great what a li'l push can do. advocates of inertia, please don't feel cheated. i've discovered i'm one of the best examples of that law of physics. but a change can do you good!

maybe it has to do with discipline. was having a discussion over a pre-dinner meal about the discipline of joining a gym and being regular about going there (the meal was at colaba's delhi darbar, which included prawns biryani, fried chicken and a scoop of "hand crushed" ice cream for dessert... but i digress) so i'm tryin to say how i can't imagine being forced to go to a gym or any kind of communal activity simply because of the pressure (read discipline). i find i'm much more regular with my exercise regime when i'm doing it on my own. (ok, so i overslept today... isn't rest an important part of exercise too??) "i'm quite self-critical y'know," i'm saying with my mouth full, "i know my limits and what i'm capable of."

so my friend says, "but that's exactly what limits you!" i raise one eyebrow as i place a forkfull of biryani in my mouth. he tells me about the yoga classes he took recently and how watching his fellow (budding) contortionists twist and bend their limbs made him feel like "hey if they can do it so can i". now he can do things with his legs he never thought possible. i nod my head in (sincere) approval, picking up a piece of batter-fried chicken...

yes it helps to be pushed, though sometimes (ok, most of the time) it's just plain irritating! maybe it's how you push that makes the difference. this particular post, for instance, has been the result of the gentlest, sweetest nudge i've got since i started the blog! thank you...

memory lapses

2005-10-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

it's been so long now that i forgot the password to this thing! turns out i've submitted an email id that i stopped logging into months ago...

anyway, was walking down the street towards the railway station monday evening when the urge to post resurfaced. i'd had a rather busy weekend - friends from outta town, party saturday night, sunday brunch... at least i hadn't slept with my contacts on this time! so monday rolls in and mother wants me to take the day off to go shopping with her - we hardly ever spend time together, but shopping tends to bring us closer, for a few hours anyway - diwali's closing in so must redo, repackage, redecorate and re- anything else that's possible...

so we start with vile parle, go on to an exhibition at bandra and pick up random things for the house, gifts for people on the occasion of diwali and generally have a good time eating out too. i'm well nearly exhausted, though we were driven around everywhere in air-conditioned comfort, but once we're home, it's time for me to change and leave for the dinner a buddy's having to herald his "homecoming".

while mother and i gorged on authentic maharashtrian fare (strictly vegetarian might i add) in vile parle, me and my friends dug into mangalorean preparations of almost all kinds of sea food at a joint near fort. top that up with a sinful kahlua torte at basilico in colaba and i was nearly as satiated as my body could permit...

so where did the urge to post come from you ask? i don't know... it just did!

be a good boy...

2005-09-18T11:34:00.000-07:00

public service advertisements (PSAs) have clearly matured from their days of family planning: exhortatory voice overs on line-art images of a man and woman gently touching their noses together, smiling so broadly you could almost hear them giggle! wonder if this was simply a reversed metaphor of the two flowers that tenderly touched to suggest sexual union in Bollywood's puritanical days... but i digress...

cut to: the latest PSA on the same subject. this time the focus isn't on population control but AIDS. a woman wishes her husband would notice how wet she got in the rain when he wasn't careful enough to hold an umbrella over her head. here's the 'chhatri' metaphor, popularised by an earlier PSA in which a man asks a chemist for an "umbrella". does that make the rain the metaphor for semen? anyway...

the wife quotes more examples of her husband's insensitivity. we assume he's succumbed to the disease 'cause she's looking longingly at a b&w photo of the two enjoying the rain (or should i say "rain"?)

if you care for your wife / spouse / lover enough to not pass on your disease to her, you will wear a condom, says the punchline. nobody mentions using the condom to prevent the husband from catching the disease in the first place... of course, abstinence from sex workers or the casual romp(s) on the side is really too much to ask for isn't it? but don't let your wives suffer because of your philandering... (a reprimanding finger is wagged at the husband at this point, perhaps with a condom on it to really drive the message home.)

great expectations

2005-09-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

ever had that moment, when your cellphone rings out a message alert and you wonder who it is? In the time it takes you to reach for the machine, maybe even walk from one room to the other, or simply turn on your side in bed so that the hand that hasn't fallen asleep can hold on to it, what are the thoughts that run inside your head?

is someone replying to a message that you'd sent a while / an hour / a day / a week earlier? an old school friend trying to reach you? a reminder for a press conference on Monday morning? last week's date who wants to hook up again? your closest buddy, tellin you he's back in town and can't wait to tell you all he's been up to...?

or is it a message from 789 or 4545 or 8888, telling you what fantastic ringtones you can download or that you can offer ganpati prayers over your gprs connection or know your future by making a Rs6-a-minute call to none other than Bejan Daruwalla...!

spam in my blog?

2005-09-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

didn't know this could happen! here i was, mildly thrilled at the new comments on the earlier post (which i know is inordinately and unforgivably ancient now!) and i see a strange automated email... is nothing on the Internet insulated from spam?!

does every post have to have a rant as a peg?

every article should, i was taught in journalism school. a news peg, an issue that is timely, information that is topical, with the inherent quality of going stale within a fortnight (for newspapers it's just a matter of a day!) sometimes i feel like i don't catch on fast enough. it's never been one of my strong points anyway...

take eBay's acquisition of Skype. it's poised to revolutionise the way online shopping is done. why didn't I see it coming?

call me what you want...

2005-08-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

on second thought, don't.

call me exactly what i ask you to call me. that simplistic adage about "a rose by any other name..." is limited to the flowers with that oppressive odour. it's all in the name stupid!

why won't you buy a Milon Mukherjee canvas if you have the kinda moolah (forget artistic sensibilities) for picking up a Husain? would you rather people caught you wearing a Levi's or a RufnTuf pair of jeans? why am i so sure that Bjork's latest work is as good as, if not better than her last? well, i'm just a fan that's been deafened by devotion. i'm sure lotsa people are [can i get a genuine "i know exactly how you feel"?]

what bothers me about this situation is that not enough attention is paid to the product / message / service that this name / brand is offering. did Husain's canvas really appeal to you, or is it a question of showing off how much throwaway money you have? are you worried about random strangers turning up their noses at a RufnTuf label? have i bothered to notice that Bjork's becoming quite inane? (i'm a fan, i'm not going to answer that!)

since i cannot remember the name of the book or the author that taught me this, i'm going to mention it in the next post. names save you the trouble of repeating an analysis from the start. it's a question of saving time: if you were thrilled by the experience the first time, there's a high likelihood that you will be the second time. no need to spend precious hours figuring out whether that painting will look good on your wall, if the jeans will make you look fat, or if you can play that CD without being embarrassed. i trusted you the first time, you better live up to my expectations this time.

can this also explain the reaction when you find that some jerk with the sensibility of a stuffed toy is your namesake?

i'm adic... i'm adic... i'm addicted to you...

2005-08-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

internet addiction is a terrible thing. let me rephrase that: addiction is a terrible thing. here's why:
a) you lose control
b) there are feelings of helplessness
c) but it feels perfectly normal to be doing whatever it is you're addicted to
d) in most cases, you realise when it's already too late
e) damage is often irreversible

there's lots of things i've been addicted to, but none of them has been a susbstance. (no, coffee does not qualify as a substance!) am not normally given to excesses, but it's perhaps my need to keep a balance that drives me to seek an imbalance. it's amusing to see it happen to other people, and they talk to me about it, (i believe) because i seem to give them the most genuine "I know exactly how you feel". 'cause i really do...

did it again

2005-08-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

"won't you listen to me when i'm telling you, it's no good for you..."

stretched to the limit, spread real thin, and groggy as ever... i haven't been payin attention to the signs and i'm finally falling - the cold has set in, mild fever is on its way, and i'm going to be im-bedded soon. (pardon the poor puns!) so much for making time to do all the things i want to. good thing i cancelled the pune trip i had planned for today - woulda crashed harder!

stressful friday, followed by noisy late night dinner with friends, then early morning press conference on saturday - that went on for nearly four hours - then a meeting for which i was made to wait nearly an hour, rush home to change and party till the break of dawn... cumulative sleep-hours over the last three days: nine.

now i need to close these tired eyes, breathe deeply and lay this superb biological machine of mine down to slide into unconsciousness - repair and recharge. tomorrow is the start of another week...

i hate competition

2005-08-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

while it can be inspiring to read other blogs, it also makes you realise how inept you are at it right now. it doesn't help that your first three posts have received no comments, but that's not surprising cuz i've hardly told anyone about this blog. not only am i being narcissistic, as a certain love interest pointed out, i'm expecting to get noticed by magic!

that's not to say that publicity isn't magical. i've always said that if any product or service requires the kind of PR it has, the goods aren't worth it - your product should sell itself.

had an interesting chat-conversation about this idea, connecting it to pop music and pop culture. what is it about connoisseurs that makes them turn their noses up at anything that has mass appeal? why doesn't a piece of popular culture deserve the kind of attention and analysis that a fantabulous composition of a prodigal composer demands? how come music of just a decade ago (is that a long time these days?) get recycled by silicone-implants and become popular all over again? [case in point: Jessica Simpson's rendition of Berlin's 'Take My Breath Away' - it's actually two decades old, but... whatever!]

in my quest for looking for something original, i get excited about the most inane attempts at making music. i become the aforementioned connoisseur who turns up their nose at the likes of Britney Spears and her teen legion, knowing fully well that i was as taken in by Madonna's antics when i was a teenager.

coming back to inanity - Björk's 'Medulla' - an entire album composed of guttural grunts, groans and the wide spectrum of sounds that the human voice box is capable of. i'm not sure if there's anything else like it, but that's been my most far-out find so far! and it's hardly a find: i'll lap up anything she produces anyway - it's called being a fan :-)

yet i'm not as subversive as i used to be - i'm losing my touch. i discovered Röyksopp and Air in my formative years... i'm hoping to discover more on my trip to Rhythm House today!

more on that later... this post has gotten long enough!

time won't give me time

2005-08-18T08:23:00.000-07:00

sometimes i think i learnt too late just how much i can get out of the time i have on my hands. then i feel i'm glad i learnt at all...

malhar came to a close last week, and as the case is every year, i got all nostalgic. i amazed myself by the kind of work and coordination i was capable of as contingent leader for my college. granted: my college wasn't that large and the list of participants not that extensive. but i was proud of the fact that i could ensure the fairly smooth selection, enrolment and deployment of all the participants, with minimal complaints.

there's just too many people now... the magic of malhar seems to have faded... or am i jus growin' old? but i digress...

i try to continue to apply the tricks i learned during that time to save and make time to do more, even five (or is it six?) years after. out of all the tricks, delegation still eludes me. if anything has to be done by me, it has to be done by me! it's not about losing credit, it's just that i can't bear to be associated with something in which i didn't get my hands dirty... or perhaps it is my ego that i refuse to acknowledge... but that's another blog...

the first hiccup is the loudest

2005-08-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

wouldn't you know it - the day i start my blog is followed by the day i lose my internet connection! so i couldn't be as prompt about incorporating the changes i was suggested by a veteran.

first, the template i was using was boring! well, it was simple, clear and functional, but two out of three isn't good enough. apparently there was no room for visitors to leave comments - i hope that's been rectified. (it's not normal for me to be so technically un-savvy!) as for aesthetics, well my aesthetic sense has often clashed with the majority of people i've shared it with... so until it gets influenced by something more popular you may just have to lump it for now.

debut

2005-08-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

so here it is... my very first blog. wish i'd done some research on what makes a good blog - i've only been on a few so far, and the urge to create one myself has never been strong enough. but considering the time i spend on the internet, it's only natural i should have a blog - once remarked the first blogger i got acquainted with.

my typically non-impulsive self began deliberating what good would a blog do. a) being in journalism, i'm expected to spew coherent paragraphs with enviable ease, but only i know that i'm not that good at it - ergo this would be great practice; b) i like to rant, in a nice li'l un-noisy way and a blog is as quiet as it gets; c) i've always wanted to blog.

so here it is... but this is where you came in...

P.S. is it normal to go back and proof-read your blog before u hit "publish post"?